Androgyne Rage

some passing thoughts.

Mon, 16 Aug 2010 23:43:32 GMT

I don't think gender can be summed up by our gonads, or by hormonal chemistry, or by fat distribution. All those are accessory to gender, and they can be added in or left behind depending on personal need.

I don't want to pass as one thing or the other. I identify in a number of different ways. As a geek girl, and as a person brought up male. As a pet/sub. As something undesignated. All those are me, and they all have their place.

My sexuality is an important part of my identity, but it doesn't need to be on an official document. I'm apathetic to whether strangers clock me as male or female. Neutral pronouns, even just the singular 'they', are awesome. To me, 'she' feels cloying and oppressive. 'he' feels too limited. I want people who are close to me to know this, but I don't care if the whole world does.

I don't want a cissexist world, or a world that constantly demands affirmations of your gender. Bathrooms should be neutral. Period.

It's hard enough work to figure out your own identity, so society should be easygoing and fluid, rather than locked in to hard categories. Female, male, trans, even queer or androgynous come with a set of expectations. When those expectations are on us, I think we can feel afraid to experiment.

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...and who actually says that?

Sun, 20 Dec 2009 21:23:11 GMT

http://www.asofterworld.com/index.php?id=478

Actually, I think sorting people based on genitals or minor physiological features is pretty fucking stupid. I know I'm not comfortable with people jumping to conclusions based on what they see... so why is seeing it more given as the progressive solution for everything? UGH.

Would someone mind telling me what the caption is on about, anyway? If it's saying "not everyone can be androgynous or bisexual, and it'd be foolish to see the world that way", I don't have a problem with that. But if it's saying "accidents of genetics should trump one's own chosen image", then I can only see it as more oppression posing as insightful social commentary. I can't speak for anyone else, but PLEASE be gender-blind when you look at me.

(edited; still thinking this one over)

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being perceived as an 'ally' vs. being included

Sat, 12 Dec 2009 13:21:59 GMT

Feeling conflicted about this. I can see the reasons for the frustration expressed here, b/c there is more opportunity to be heard if you're perceived as straight and "normal", and that isn't really fair. OTOH, the idea that (various gender-different people) aren't a part of the trans community if they aren't actively being oppressed doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me. It reminds me of how some gay people will carry misgivings about bisexuals because of their ability to (sometimes, certainly not always) blend into the dominant straight culture. But I still think that bi, pan, or asexuals who consider themselves part of queer culture should be able to do so without guilt. Because, um, in a heteronormative world? Bi, Pan, and A are all queer. Just like being androgynous or agendered or fluid or anything else is all non gender normative.

Are some bisexuals homophobes, or some androgynes transphobes? Surely a few are. But just like bisexuals don't exist to trivialize or undermine gayness, androgynes are not here to undermine transgendered people. Yeah, we're somewhat different and we should acknowledge that difference. But we also have a lot of things in common and too much to gain from each other to waste it on fights over who is "queer enough" or "trans enough".

And while I know nothing about this person beyond this post, and don't want to put words in their mouth, it seems pretty clear to me that they're already concerned about appropriation and power dynamics or they wouldn't be sheepish about discussing their gender in the first place. I find the pokemans language of the last comment dismissive and rude. This person doesn't need a lecture, IMO, and they don't need to be made to feel like a usurper for the gender they have. Marginal identities need to be heard and supported.

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I don't feel all that feminine.

Wed, 02 Dec 2009 01:26:22 GMT

I wish people would get that gender isn't just A or B or one wanting to be the other or exactly in between. If you're a perfect example of that, then fine, but not everyone is.

Yeah, I'm a biological male questioning "his" gender. But if there's a Unified Field Of Gender-Queerness, I have yet to find it. HAI GUYS. My gender is made up of all these bits and pieces that have stuck to me over time, and it may not be all that simple to make them work together! Yay!

I have sexual identity issues. Not-male+likes girls = lesbian to my mind. I don't want to relate to an SO as an "other"... I'd prefer a relationship with someone of similar gender orientation as myself, just female. But that's still physically straight, and that feels... full of fail to me. I'd call myself a transdyke, but I don't feel trans. I don't have an overwhelming compunction to be female-bodied. I'd prefer to be, because it might align my orientation better with how the rest of the world sees me. But otherwise, nah. Put me on a desert island and I have no outstanding issues with my body. If anything, I'm too fucking indifferent about my body's gender to bother changing it. It's there, it's part of me, but the meanings attached to it aren't me.

Which brings me to 'femininity', and why it bugs the hell out of me at times.

I don't feel like a feminine straight male. I feel fierce, tomboyish, punk. I want to kick ass, but not if it comes with associations with or assumptions of maleness. And likewise I want to reject maleness, but not if I have to put on the mask of "feminine". ...Wait, huh?

And under layers of insecurity and reservation and hormones, all the baggage that comes with being a nerdy male twentysomething, I'm exuberant and giddy and basically about twelve years old. And people who've seen it say that I don't read as a boy. I might make a great masculine or androgynous girl someday, if my real self is allowed out enough to grow into it.

It's just frustrating to me, because I can't perform maleness and I can't perform femininity. And with a boy's body that I'm not transitioning, I'm having a hard time seeing other options.

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